"This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek, with
IS: Denny!
MB: What did I tell you? Visiting hours aren't for another hour and you are no longer his doctor. You want to see Denny, you come back when the visitors come.
IS: I would but I can't wait.
DENNY: Hey, ixnay on the insubordinationay.
IS: But it's my turn.
MB: Come on, if the Chief finds out you were even on this floor-
DENNY: Hold on... it's her turn.
IS: Yes. My answer is yes.
DENNY: Now see, you're gonna make my heart stop beating and it's brand new.
MB: I will call security on you.
DENNY: I tricked her into marrying me. How smart am I?
Meredith: [voiceover] To be a good surgeon you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, and close. But sometimes you’re faced with a cut that won’t heal. A cut that rips its stitches wide open.
MG:
Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win.
CY: You don't want to play with me.
MG: Oh, I do. I'll even go first. Derek is
married.
[George spits
out his beer]
CY: George. Beer is dripping from your
nostrils.
MG: Told you I'd win.
CY: No, you didn't win.
MG: Did you hear me? I said Derek is
married, as in pig-headed adulterous liar married. Nothing you could say could
top that.
CY: I'm pregnant. I win.
[Joe, the
bartender, collapses]
CY: Okay, maybe Joe wins.
DS: So I go upstairs, as I'm walking down the hall I try
to prepare myself for what I'm going to see when I walk into my bedroom. I step
on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I know...just
shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I
recognize, what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just
going to see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm going to see that my wife is
cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend... I walked out, flew
out to Seattle."
MG: And then you met me.
DS: And then I met you.
MG: What was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over
being screwed?"
DS: You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I
was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know.
MG: It's not enough.
CY: The clinic has a policy. They wouldn't let
me confirm my appointment unless I designated an emergency contact
person. Someone to be there is case and...to know help me home after. Anyway I
put your name down, that's why I told you I'm pregnant. You're my person.
MG: I am?
CY: Yeah, you are. Whatever.
MG: Whatever.
CY: He dumped me.
[Meredith hugs Cristina]
CY: You realize this constitutes hugging?
MG: Shut up, I'm your person.
Meredith: [voiceover] They
say that practice makes perfect. Theory is– the more you think like a surgeon,
the more you become like one, the better you get at remaining neutral,
clinical, cut, suture, close - the harder it becomes to turn it off. To stop
thinking like a surgeon, and remember what it means to think like a human
being.
Meredith: [voiceover] I have an
aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say "Say
when!" My aunt would say "Say when!" and of course, we never
did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of
more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.
MG: It's not us. It's them. Them
and their stupid boy...penises. They didn't tell me they have a wife. They gave
absolutely no warning that they were going to break up with you.
CY: "It's not that Burke broke
up with me. It's how he broke up with me. Like
it was business. Like it was a business trans- Like he was the boss of
me!"
MG: He is the boss of you.
CY: What's worse is that I care.
MG: Ugh I'm going to throw up
again. [Gets up and kneels over the toilet] No. Wait.
False alarm.
CY: The problem is estrogen.
MG: No, the problem is tequila.
CY: You know I used to be all
business and then he goes and gets me pregnant.
MG: With his stupid boy penis.
CY: Now I’m having hormone surges.
He ruined me. I'm ruined! He turned me into this... fat, stupid, pregnant girl.
Who cares! Estrogen!"
MG: Penises. Penises, Izzie.
CY: Estrogen, George.
Meredith: [voiceover] There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more.
Meredith: [voiceover] Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand, you feel unstoppable. There's no fear, there's no pain. You're ten-feet tall and bulletproof. And then you leave the OR. And all that perfection, all that beautiful control, just falls to crap.
MB: Do you have a problem?
IS: No.
MB: Do you have a mocha latte?
IS: No.
MB: Then go away.
DS: Satan speaks.
AM: Actually I prefer to be called
ruler of all that is evil. [Richard laughs] But
I will answer to Satan.
Meredith: [voiceover] No one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. If there's an upside to free-falling, it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.
Meredith: [voiceover] The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.
AM: Well isn't this cozy. Can I join or are you not in to
threesomes?
MG: I have to go.
DS: Meredith... [To Addison] You
really are Satan, you realize that right? If Satan were to take physical form
he'd be you, everywhere ... all the time.
AM: I am not Satan.
DS: How come you haven't gotten on your broomstick and gone
back to New York where you belong?
AM: Stop being petty.
DS: Stop being an adulterous bitch.
AM: You know there was a time when you thought of me as
your best friend—
DS: There was a time that I thought you were the love of my
life. Things change
---[later in the episode]---
AM: Derek, have you ever thought that even if I am Satan
and an adulterous bitch that I still might be the love of your life?
MG: You've got a wife.
DS: Yes.
MG: Your life is complicated.
DS: Yes.
MG: I don't need complicated, I
have complicated all on my own.
DS: Yes.
MG: Stop saying yes.
DS: I'll try not to make any sudden
movements.
MG: You think this is funny?
DS: Addison is leaving. She doesn't
have any more patients in this hospital. There's no reason for her to be here.
MG: No reason?
DS: None whatsoever.
Meredith: [voiceover] Sometimes reality has a way of
sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do
is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to
ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change
the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world.
Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin'
ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?
Meredith: [voiceover] Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains that we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.
[Cristina, Meredith and Izzie
are tilting their heads, watching the porn playing for the patient]
CY: That does not look
comfortable.
MG: Trust me, it's not.
“I lied. I’m not out of this relationship, I’m in. I’m so
in it’s humiliating, because here I am begging…Your choice; it’s simple, her or
me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But…I love you. In a really really big
pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,
hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me
hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.” – MG
Meredith: [voiceover] Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more.
Meredith: [voiceover] In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways — those who love surprises and those who don't. I don't. I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because as surgeons, we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know, because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling. Okay, so my point, actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits, or even surgeons. My point is this: whoever said "What you don't know can’t hurt you", was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. [Sees two people with a pole cutting through them.] Okay, fine. Maybe it's the second worst.
CY: There you are. I've been looking everywhere
for you.
PB: What is it?
CY: I need to find this man's leg.
The chief is going to kick me out of the program if I don't. I cannot go back
to Los Angeles. It's sunny there. Every. Day.
[Burke smiles]
CY: What? You're my boyfriend! I
mean, I know I don't have much experience with this kind of thing but, aren't
boyfriends supposed to help in situations like this?
PB: Cristina, when we're on duty I
can't be your boyfriend.
CY: OK, so when we're on duty, I can
have sex with someone else?
PB: [pause] Dr.
Yang, I'm walking away now.
AM: So, have you made a decision yet, Dr. Stevens?
IS: I'm sorry?
AM: Whether or not you're going to hate me. You're
Meredith's friend? I'm the wicked witch who came in and ruined her life and
cheated on Doctor...wait, what is it that you guys call him?
IS: Uh—McDreamy...
AM: Right. God, doesn’t that embarrass him?
IS: Yeah, I think it does.
AM: So, when you decide how important it is for you to hate
me...let me know.
Meredith: [voiceover] As
surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have
what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients... and how to
take care of each other. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take
care of ourselves. As surgeons we have to be in the know. But as human beings,
sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be
fear, but there's also hope.
Meredith: [voiceover] Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
MB: Turn around and walk away.
DS: From what?
MB: From my intern.
DS: No, I wasn’t.
MB: Yes you were, come on, look, you can’t do
this, you don’t have the right, not anymore.
DS: I just want to find out if
she's okay.
MB: No, she's not. She's a human
traffic accident, and everybody's slowing down to look at the wreckage. She's
doing the best she can with what she has left, and I know you can't see this
'cause you're in it, but YOU CAN'T HELP HER NOW! You'll only make it worse.
Walk away. Leave her to mend.
Meredith: [voiceover] At the end of the day, there are some
things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to
hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things
are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because
there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often,
but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.
Meredith: [voiceover] In the eighth grade my English class
had to read Romeo and Juliet. Then for extra
credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As
fate would have it, I was Juliet… all the other girls were jealous, but I had a
slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot. For
starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can’t have, then she blames
fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes
into play choice sometimes goes out the window, and that I would be lucky if I
ever experienced that type of true love. At the ripe old age of 13, I was very
clear that love, like life, is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do
with it. Everyone thinks it’s so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how
sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of
poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got.
MB: I'm pregnant, you blind moron.
RW: You’re what?
MB: My heart rate is 110, I’m burning three thousand
calories a day, my legs are swollen, I got indigestion and gas. Did you know
carrying a boy in your uterus means you burn ten percent more calories than if
you had a girl? Guess what I’m carrying. I tried for seven damn years and a
month before my fellowship notifications the stick turns blue. Men... from the
very beginning they just suck the life right out of you. I’m not leaving. I’m
pregnant.
Meredith: [voiceover] Maybe
Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then
their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would
have been okay. I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, I'd take fate into
my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said that I'd
be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and that if I did,
we'd be together forever. Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is
about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your
own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best
choices and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway.
Meredith: [voiceover] Gratitude,
appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use, they all mean the same
thing. Happy. We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family. Happy
just to be alive. Whether we like it or not.
[after George's brother shoots
his father on accident]
"You shot dad in the
ass. Are you happy now?" - GO
"I feel like one of
those people who are so freaking miserable that they can't be around normal
people. Like I'll infect the happy people. Like I'm some miserable, diseased,
dirty ex-mistress."
Meredith: [voiceover] Maybe
we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is.
Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be
human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're
thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that
we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.
Meredith: [voiceover] When
you were a kid, it was Halloween candy. You hid it from your parents and you
ate it until you got sick. In college, it was the heavy combo of youth, tequila
and well, you know. As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get
because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should. 'Cause good things
aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a
good thing.
Steve: Meredith? You work here?
MG: What are you doing
here...um...Steve?
Steve: I'm having a little problem.
CY: Steve,
Steve?
Steve: Actually, I'm having a big
problem.
[Moves his jacket to reveal his erect penis.
Cristina notices and starts staring at it. Meredith doesn't notice.]
MG: What?
CY: [Still
staring] Steve, hi! Cristina.
Steve: Ever since you...and I [Meredith follows Cristina's gaze and does a double-take]...um...it
won't go away.
MG: Cristina!
CY: What? It's right there, looking at me! There
are so many things I could say right now — Champ!
Meredith: [voiceover] How
do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information.
Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too
much to bear?
Meredith: [voiceover] Forty years ago, the Beatles asked the world a simple question: they wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My latest theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely, the surgical wing of hospitals. As surgeons, we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.
Meredith: [voiceover] Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion on being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course it was fancier when he said it. No man is an island entire unto himself. Boil down that island talk and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs. Someone to play with, or run around with, or just hang out.
Meredith: [voiceover] It's an urban myth that suicide rates spike at the holidays. Turns out they actually go down. Experts think it's because people are less inclined to off themselves when surrounded by family. Ironically, that same family togetherness is thought to be the reason that depression rates actually do spike at the holidays. Yeah, okay. Izzie doesn't count.
GO: [about Dr. Bailey] Look
at her belly! She's almost as wide as she is tall!
MG: Are her ankles
swollen? Is that why she's waddling?
IS: What's gonna happen to us when she goes on leave?
CY: Leave? She's going on leave?
MG: What do you think happens when people push babies out
of their vaginas?
GO: Do you think we're gonna get a new resident?
AK: Nah, They'll probably just let us all walk around
unattended, see how much damage we can do.
IS: Yeah, well, you would know.
CY: [to Burke] Okay,
let me get this straight. You don't just celebrate Christmas...you actually
believe in Santa Claus?
GO: Paging Dr. Karev-ian [laughter]
MB: What did you just say?
GO: Ah-it, it's a joke, Kevorkian,
Karev-ian...Alex Karev?
MB: I get the joke. I just don't
think it's funny. You see this O'Malley? I make one mistake with this scalpel
and this man's dead. My husband, he makes mistakes at his job all the time. As
far as I know he's never killed anyone but I have. And YOU WILL. And Alex did.
He made a math mistake and a man died for it. Run that past your accountant -
see how he'd feel if every mistake he made, someone ended up dead. You don't
have to like Alex, you don't have to care about him, but you damn well have to
be on his side.
Meredith: [voiceover] There's an old proverb that says you
can't choose your family. You take what the fates hand you. And like them or
not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope. Then there's the
school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting
point. They feed you, and clothe you, and take care of you until you're ready
to go out into the world and find your tribe.
Meredith: [voiceover] Fresh starts thanks to the calendar
they happen every year —just set your watch to January, our reward for
surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of
new years resolutions, put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist
the chance of a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to
bed.
MG: Such a good dog! Who's Mommy's
good boy?
[Turns and looks at Izzie and George]
C'mon, what are you doing, we're gonna be late.
GO: Uh— We need to talk about the
dog.
IS: That's not a dog, it's a hyena
that escaped from the zoo, dressed in dog clothing.
GO: Whatever. I don't chew up his
clothes. I don't urinate on his bed. I don't try to mount him from behind.
MG: People, he's our dog. We love
our dog. He loves us.
IS: Mount you from behind?
GO: He tries to.
DS: There is a land called Passive Agressiva, and you
are their queen.
AM: I am fine.
DS: Except when you're shrieking about trout.
AM: I was not shrieking about trout.
DS: You're right, you weren't. You were shrieking about
Meredith.
AM: No, I was shrieking about the trailer. I hate the
trailer.
DS: Oh, okay so the past three weeks have been about the
trailer, not about the fact that I said I love Meredith.
AM: Loved— you said you loved her, past tense.
DS: Right, yes, past tense.
AM: Well, then I have been shrieking about the trailer.
Meredith: [voiceover] Who
gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the
calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year, it’s an event —big or
small, something that changes us, ideally it gives us hope, a new way of living
and looking at the world, letting go of old habits, old memories. What's
important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's
also important to remember amid all the crap are a few things really worth
holding on to.
Meredith: [voiceover] As doctors, we're trained to be skeptical, because our patients lie to us all the time. The rule is, every patient is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth—honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down the cherry tree, whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts.
"I may be forty-seven weeks pregnant. I may be on bed rest. I may not be able to see my own feet. But I am Dr. Bailey. I hear everything. I know everything. I’m watching each and every one of you. And I will return." - MB
"You don't get to choose. I know you've been going through a bad time. I know you miss Shepherd. And I know that your life has, admittedly, been pretty unpleasant these days. You get points for breathing in and out. You get to be a little selfish. But you don't get to choose a dog over me... I'm George. I sleep down the hall from you. I buy your tampons. I have held your hand, every time you asked. I've earned the right to be seen. To be respected. To not have you think of me, as less than a dog that you got at the pound. So, I'm not moving out. Whether you like it or not, I'm staying." - GO
Meredith: [voiceover] No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie.
Meredith: [voiceover] In surgery, there is a red line on the floor that marks the point where the hospital goes from accessible to off limits to all but a special few. Crossing the line unauthorized is not tolerated. In general, lines are there for a reason. For safety. For security. For clarity. If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it, that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?
"My dad's a truck driver, my mom's a teacher. If the evening news shows me crossing a picket line, they'll outlive me just to pee on my grave." - GO
GO: [after
Meredith and Izzie climb into his bed] What happened today?
IS: Nothing.
MG: Nothing.
GO: Okay.
IS: We don’t know everything about
each other, George.
MG: Yeah.
GO: True … anybody want to have
sex?
Meredith: [voiceover] We can’t help ourselves. We see a
line, we want to cross it. Maybe it’s the thrill of trading the familiar for
the unfamiliar. A sort of personal dare. Only problem is, once you’ve crossed
it’s almost impossible to go back. But if you do manage to make it back across
that line you find safety in numbers.
Meredith: [voiceover] It's...
a look patients get in their eyes. There is a scent, the smell of death. Some
kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it
coming. What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die?
CY: You have a feeling?
MG: Yes.
CY: Okay, what kind of feeling?
MG: Like I might die.
CY: Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? We're all going to die
eventually. Now we're late! Let's go!
MG: Cristina. C'mon!
CY: This is me being supportive.
MG: Really?
CY: Yeah, fine, I'm totally supportive. Go.
MG: OK. The man I love has a wife and then he chooses her
over me. And that wife takes my dog—OK, she didn't take the dog, I gave it to
her, but I didn't mean to give it to her, I meant to give it to him—but that
does not change the fact that she's got my McDreamy. And my McDog. She's got my
McLife! And what have I got? -sits up-You know, I
can't remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is
the last time, you think there'll be more. You think you have forever, but you
don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle
bones. I just-I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are
gonna change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of
hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today.
[Christina throws back blanket]
CY: Whatever - everybody has problems. Now get
your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move! Move! Move! [Opens the door to find Izzie and George] We're
good to go.
Derek: Bailey's back? [Hurries to the door but stops
when he looks in the window] And her cervix is being examined
by my wife, which is a visual I will never get out of my head. Thanks to you.
MB: What are you people doing out
here?
RW: Are you alright? Can I get you anything?
MB: A boy the size of a 10 lb.
bowling ball is trying to work it’s way out of my body. Can you get me
something for that. Can you get me a new vagina?
RW: Uh, well.
MB: I didn't think so.
IS: Take off your pants.
AK: Izzie, what are you doing?
IS: I'm being a doer. Getting while
the getting's good. Now take off your pants.
AK: You realize when I said the
apocalypse before, I meant it metaphorically, not literally.
IS: Alex, I haven't had sex in
eight months and twelve days. I'm horny, I'm half-naked, and I'm saying yes. Do
you want to stand there and talk metaphors, or do you want to literally take
off your pants?
Meredith: [voiceover] In hospitals they say you know. You
know you’re going to die. Some doctors say it’s a look patients get in their
eyes. Some say there’s a scent, a smell of death. Some say there’s just some
kind of sixth sense, when the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it
coming. Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know, what do you do about
it? Forget about the fact that you're scared out of your mind. If you knew this
was your last day on earth, how would you want to spend it?
MG: Cristina. I have my hand on a bomb. I’m freaking out.
And most importantly, I really have to pee. Tell me anything.
CY: He told me he loved me. Last night, he thought I was
sleeping, but I heard him say it.
MG: Burke loves you.
CY: Yeah. [To Dylan] Mind
your own business.
MG: Burke loves you!
CY: Yeah everybody has problems.
MG: Well are you gonna say it back, or-
CY: Of course not! He didn’t say it to me, he said it to
sleeping me! Reciprocity is not required. Besides he might blow up.
MG: Excellent point.
[the gurney hits a bump in the
floor]
Dylan: Alright everybody. Let’s just keep placing one foot in
front of the other [gives Cristina an ‘I told you
so' look]. Nice and slow. Alright, Meredith? We’re almost there.
MG: Okay.
Dylan: We’re almost there. Nice and easy, right? Alright let’s
go. Nice and slow.
CY: You had to say you’re going to die today.
MG: I told you.
GO: Dr. Bailey, hey, I can see his
head. He's got a lot of hair, but he's kind of cute.
MB: O'Malley!
GO: Yes?
MB: Stop looking at my va-jay-jay!
GO: Yes, ma'am.
MG: Hey.
DS: Hey. You almost died today.
MG: Yeah, I almost died today. [Derek is at a loss for words and starts heading to the door] I
can't, I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about was I'm going to
die today and I can't remember our last kiss. Which, is pathetic but the last
time we were together and happy, I... want to be able to remember that, and I
can't. I can't remember.
DS: I'm glad you didn't die
today. [Starts to leave but stops] It was a Thursday
morning, you were wearing that ratty little 'Dartmouth' T-shirt you look so
good in, the one with the hole at the back of the neck. You'd just washed you
hair and you smelled like some kind of...flower. I was running late for
surgery, you said you were going to see me later, and you lean to me, put you
hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick. Kind of like a habit. You
know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives. And you went back to
reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we
kissed. [Derek starts to leave]
MG: Lavender. My hair smelled like
lavender...from my conditioner.
DS: Lavender. Huh. [Smiles then leaves]
Meredith: [voiceover] After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think life and circumstances have forced us truly to become an adult, your mother says something like that. Or worse, something like that. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.
RW: Punching out people on my surgical floor. My head of
neurosurgery punching out people on my surgical floor.
AM: Put the ice on your hand.
DS: My hand is fine.
RW: Put the damn ice on your two million a year hand. Now,
would someone tell me what the hell happened?
AM: That was Mark.
RW: Who’s Mark?
AM: He and Derek used to work together back in New York.
And they, we, were all close friends. Until Derek found us in bed together.
RW: Did you put your weight behind it?
DS: Yes sir.
RW: Well, all right then.
GO: Why is he suturing his own
face?
CY: To turn me on.
AK: Because he’s Mark Sloan, he’s
like the go-to plastic surgeon on the east coast.
GO: That’s the guy Addison was
sleeping with?
IS: You can’t really blame her, can
you?
CY: No, not really
GO: Yes, you can
MG: McSexy wants an X-ray to check
for fractures and I think it’s a bad idea if I take him.
GO: Why? Why?
AK: I'm on it
GO: Why's it a bad idea?
CY: McSexy?
MG: No?
IS: McYummy?
MG & CY: No.
MG: McSteamy.
CY: Aw, there it is.
IS: Yep.
GO: Excuse me, I'm just choking back some ...
McVomit.
IS: You know when you don't have
sex for a while, you sorta forget how good it is, and you don't really need it
as much?
GO: Yeah, that doesn't happen to
guys.
IS: It's like a beast, a beast that
was asleep, for a long, LONG time, and now the beast is WIDE awake and wants to
be fed and the food, that Alex gave it, was great. It was good food George.
GO: Something needs to be done
about your taste.
PB: I am Preston Burke, a widely
renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. I am a professional. And more than that I am a
good and kind person. I am a person that cleans up behind myself. I am a person
that cooks well. And you, you are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern.
I am Preston Burke. And you, you are the most competitive,
most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met. And I
love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you won’t just let me?
CY: I gave up my apartment 20
minutes ago.
PB: Well, alright then.
Meredith: [voiceover] I've heard that it’s possible to grow
up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy,
we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t
go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for
comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all
experience, like children, we never give up hope.
George: [voiceover] Okay,
so, sometimes even the best of us make rash decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions
we pretty much know we're going to regret the moment, the minute, especially
the morning after. I mean, maybe not regret, regret because at least, you know,
we put ourselves out there. But...still. Something inside us decides to do a
crazy thing. A thing we know will probably turn around and bite us in the ass.
Yet, we do it anyway. What I'm saying is...we reap what we sow. what comes
around goes around. It's karma and, any way you slice it...karma sucks.
"What?
So I slept with him again. So I'm a big whore. A big horny whore who can't get
enough. Can we get over the shocked silence already?" - IS
GO: It's just that, I believe in Karma. You know, good
things happen to good people. At least, I thought that was the way the universe
works.
CY: How can you think that and practice medicine?
GO: Fine! I'm not saying that everybody who gets sick, or
everybody that dies is bad, I think there is a balance. Or there should be a
balance... There should be some sort of balance. That's all.
PB: Good god, O'Malley, what the hell did Grey do to you?
AK: All right. So you slept with
O'Malley. Big deal. Get over it already.
MG: He told you?
AK: What? No. I...I was just
kidding! Well, it's not like I should be surprised.
MG: Why not?
AK: Because when your life is
sucky, you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. It’s your thing.
Whatever. I find it charming.
MG: Well- you sleep with
inappropriate women when you're sober.
AK: Hey! Izzie forgave me for that!
Why are you trying to piss me off?
MG: You're trying to suggest that
it's OK for you to sleep with Olivia, but not OK for me to sleep with George.
[George walks in]
GO: You told him?!
MG: George wait! It's not what you
think!
GO: Wow, when I'm wrong about
someone, I'm REALLY wrong!
AK: Dude! Chill!
GO: I'M NOT — I WILL NOT CHILL.
IS & CY: What's wrong?
AK: Baby boy's freaking out!
IS: We can see that—
IS & CY: Why is he freaking
out?
MG: George! Wait, we need to talk
about this!
GO: Yeah, you want to talk now
because you told everyone that we had sex!
IS: You had sex?
CY: You had sex with George?
GO: You didn’t tell them?
MG: No
GO: DAMMIT!
George: [voiceover] One
way or another our karma will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma
in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. One way or
another, our karma will always find us. And the truth is, as surgeons, we have
more chances than most to set the balance in our favor. No matter how hard we
try we can't escape our karma. It follows us home. I guess we can't really
complain about our karma. It's not unfair. It's not unexpected. It just...evens
the score. And even when we're about to do something we know will tempt karma
to bite us in the ass...well, it goes without saying. We do it anyway.
Meredith: [voiceover] As doctors, patients are always telling us how they'd do our jobs. Just stitch me up, slap a band-aid on it and send me home. It’s easy to suggest a quick solution, when you don’t know much about the problem or you don’t understand the underlying cause or just how deep the wound is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But that’s not what people want to hear. We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix.
Meredith: [voiceover] As doctors, as friends, as human beings, we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts. And knocks you off your feet. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with nothing more than a flesh wound, something a band-aid will cover. But, some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the band-aid, let them breathe, and give them time to heal.
Meredith: [voiceover] My college campus has a magic statue. It’s a longstanding tradition for students to rub its nose for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power and insisted on visiting it to rub its nose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea, she flunked out her sophomore year. The fact is, we all have little superstitious things we do. If it’s not believing in magic statues, it’s avoiding sidewalk cracks or always putting our left shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack, break your mothers back. The last thing we want to do is offend the gods.
DS: Ah! Juju.
AM: Yep
DS: You juju'ed Meredith.
AM: I did, in the spirit of friendship.
DS: Hmmm.
AM: What, are we not being friends with Meredith anymore?
DS: No, no, we are. Meredith and I are friends.
AM: And you and I are married. So by proxy, Meredith and I
are friends.
DS: That’s very big of you.
AM: Yeah.
DS: You don’t have to do that. It’s not like I'm going to
be friends with...let's say... Mark.
AM: Yeah, well, neither am I. Now finish your juju before
somebody else dies.
CY: Great. No blood, no guts, no lives to save.
It's dead quiet.
MB: Uh, did you really just say
that?
IS: Cristina!
CY: What?
GO: You said the "q"
word.
IS: That's like saying Macbeth in the theatre.
CY: Please. You think because
someone says its quiet that'll mean---
[All hell breaks loose]
CY: Can anyone spell coincidence?
Meredith: [voiceover] Superstition lies in the space between
what we can control and what we can't. Find a penny, pick it up, and all day
long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But
does saying it thirty three times really help? Is anyone really listening? And
if no ones listening, why do we bother doing those strange things. We rely on
superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers.
And that life works in mysterious ways. Don't diss the juju, from wherever it
comes.
Meredith: [voiceover] A good basketball game can have us all
on the edge of our seats. Games are all about the glory, pain and the play by
play. And then there are the more solitary games. The games we play all by
ourselves. The social games, the mind games. We use them to pass the time to
make life more interesting... to distract us from what's really going on. There
are those of us who love to play games, any games. And there are those of us
who love to play a little too much.
Meredith: [voiceover] Life
is not a spectator sport. Win, lose, or draw, the game is on. So go ahead...
argue with the ref, change the rules, cheat a little, take a break and tend to
your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free. Play
as if there's no tomorrow. Okay, so it's not whether you win or lose, it's how
you play the game... right?
Meredith: [voiceover] The key to being a successful intern is
what we give up: sleep, friends, a normal life. We sacrifice it all for that
one amazing moment, that moment when you can legally call yourself a surgeon.
There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the
days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices
that you can’t even figure out why you're making.
Meredith: [voiceover] A wise man once said – “You can have
anything in life if you’re willing to sacrifice everything else for it.” What
he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you
better decide how much you’re willing to lose. Too often going after what feels
good means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means
abandoning the walls you’ve spent a lifetime building. Of course the toughest
sacrifices are the ones we don’t see coming. When we don’t have time to come up
with a strategy to pick sides….or to measure the potential loss. When that
happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that’s when
the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.
Meredith: [voiceover] We
all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there.
Doing damage to ourselves, to other people. The problem is trying to figure out
how to control the damage we've done, or that's been done to us. Sometimes the
damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And
sometimes the damage is something we can't even see.
CY: People! What's with all the evil misery? Huh? Live, and
let live.
GO: You're cheerful.
CY: Oh.
IS: You are. How is that possible?
CY: I scrubbed in on a four hour paraesophageal surgery
last night, and then I got laid. And now three ambulances are coming in full of
bloody broken car crash victims, all who need to be cut open. So I'm cheery,
I'm cheery, I am so cheery! I'm cheery! I'm cheerful!
Meredith: [voiceover] We're
all damaged, it seems. Some of us, more than others. We carry the damage with
us from childhood, then as grownups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we
all do damage. And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can.
Meredith: [voiceover] In
life we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big
ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is
anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can
control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can
be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive
behavior, it did make the top seven.
CY: [about Burke, who is playing
darts with Derek] He is picturing my face. He is totally
picturing that dart puncturing my skull. Ooh, look at that.
IS: [to Meredith] Derek,
Derek is picturing you.
MG: He called me a whore. He lost the right to picture me.
CY: So I fall asleep during sex. So what? Ass!
MG: [about Derek] Ass!
IS: [Alex walks over] Oh,
ass! Hey.
AK: [to Izzie] Isabel Stevens has finally left the
hospital. Does this mean heart patient dude finally kicked it?
IS: [to Alex] I'm
sorry, this section of the bar is for surgeons. We don't socialize with gynecologists.
DS: What do you want from me,
Addison?
AM: I want you to care. I sleep with
your best friend, and you walk away. He comes out haere from New York and rubs
it in your face, and still you get a good night's sleep. What do I have to do?
Oh, I know. Maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet because that seems to be something that
sends you into a blind rage. Oh but wait, that won't work either because I'm
not Meredith Grey!
[They realize they have an audience, including
Meredith]
Meredith: [voiceover] So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's pretty simple really, you give into a sin like envy or pride and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger, anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does you can take an awful lot of people with you.
[voiceover]
MG: Human beings need a lot of things to feel
alive.
GO: Family...
CY: Love...
IS: Sex.
DS: But we only need one thing...
PB: To actually be alive.
CY: We need a beating heart.
AM: When our heart is threatened...
Alex: we respond in one of two
ways.
GO: We either run...
DS: Or...
IS: we attack.
RW: There's a scientific term for
this:
AK: Fight...
AM: or flight.
MB: It's instinct...
MG: We can't control it.
IS: Or can we?
IS: I cut the LVAD wire.
MG: Actually, I cut the LVAD wire.
GO: No, I did. I'm the one who cut the wire. [Pause] [elbows Cristina]
CY: Fine, I cut the LVAD wire.
AK: I didn't do anything, I'm totally innocent...
CY, GO, MG, IS: [all at once] Alex!
"There's only three
careers I've ever wanted. Ruler of my own planet, Wonder Woman, or a surgeon. I
don't see any invisible planes or extra countries lying around." - CY
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